


I was in love with him

by RainbowGirl410



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Coming Out, IT Chapter 2 Spoilers, M/M, Post canon, new movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-11-02 12:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20744435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowGirl410/pseuds/RainbowGirl410
Summary: A year has passed since they killed the fucking clown.A year has passed since Eddie died.Richie still regrets not telling them all that day, but today he's gonna fix that.





	I was in love with him

A year has passed since they killed It, since they killed that fucking clown. Even so, the memory of the events was still fresh in his mind, he wasn‘t sure they‘d ever really leave. At first, it had been weird remembering everything but now it had become strangely comforting, even though that had literally been the worst day of his life. He still dreams about it pretty much every night, he hasn‘t told any of the others about that even though they keep in touch and talk at least once a week. They just, still didn‘t know. He was still grieving Eddie. He probably would until he himself died.

Tonight was a big show, he‘d be performing on one of the biggest stages in the country and the whole show would be recorded. He still didn‘t write any of his shit, not that he could have the last year. He didn‘t much like performing someone else‘s content but it’s not like he had a choice at the moment.

Sitting in the makeup chair he could feel a bit of anxiety creeping up. Maybe this was a bad idea. But this was the only way he was gonna do it. He wasn‘t gonna write some fucking letter like Stan had done, though their intentions were vastly different. He also knew he could use this platform to do this, seeing as the others were in the crowd. It was a one year anniversary after all. They’d wanted to hang out but Richie had a gig so they decided to come watch and then get piss drunk after.

He was the third act up, he‘d memorised the whole act, except for the last part, he‘d decided to throw that one out, he didn‘t want to try and joke after what he wanted to deliver. The director came up to him once the second act had started and asked how he was doing and whether he was ready to go on stage. He answered positively to both of those questions, even if the honest answer was negative.

His act was up. His name was announced and he lightly jogged out onto the stage to the mic stand. Looking over the crowd he spotted his friends in the middle of the fifth row and he smiled to himself. He greeted the crowd and in return got a roar of applause back. After the crowd had gotten quieter he began the act. Going through it he was almost in a trance. His mind felt foggy as the audience laughed and cheered through the jokes. Towards the end of the act, his mind began to clear up. And then it was time. 

“Right so, honestly I’ve been a fucking coward my whole life, and I was a coward especially about pretty much exactly a year ago, but I don’t want to be a coward anymore. This is something I need people to know, especially my friends.

“And I don’t want to divulge any real-life information so I’ll be speaking in metaphors basically the whole time. Also, I know right about now the director is contemplating dragging me off stage but dude, what I’m about to say is way more interesting than what I was supposed to say.”

The audience cheered and clapped at that, hopefully that would help keep him on stage.

“Now, to begin this, I was born and raised in the small Maine town called Derry. Derry, is a fucking shit hole and I guarantee none of you have heard about it before, and if you have you don’t remember it. It’s a pretty basic small American town. It’s got everything you need! Schools, homes, small businesses aaand killer clowns!”

Again the audience laughs, except for the Losers Club.

“No, I’m serious! There was this fucking clown that went around and killed kids! He was fucking terrifying! And he knew what you feared the most in the whole world, and he used that against you. 

“Now, when I was younger I was a fucking nerd, and I still am, won’t lie about that. I used to spend my weekends in the arcade trying to get the high score in some game I don’t even remember the name of any more.

“And honestly I always spent my summer doing that too, except my last summer in Derry. That summer I spent with my friends, we called ourselves the Losers Club. We were seven in total, and there was only one girl but damn could she kick ass!”

A wave of whoops comes from the crowd, Richie couldn’t agree more with them.

“Now, what we did that summer isn’t something most kids would use their free time for. What we did was try and kill that killer clown I mentioned earlier. It was an ordeal, one of my friends broke his arm pretty badly and some of us literally almost died. Not a joke.

“We didn’t manage to fully kill the clown that summer, so last summer when it reared its ugly head again we all travelled back to Derry, all except one that is. One of us uh, couldn’t bear facing it again.”

At this point the crowd had gone pretty silent, not sure how to react they all just listened.

“In all honesty, we’d all forgotten about it, until the one who’d stayed in that rotten town called us all back. I won’t bore you with the excruciating details of how it all went down, all you need to know is that I threw some fucking rocks at that clown but then got caught by it like an idiot. But then I got saved by my, well, best friend. He threw a spear at it and managed to distract it, but also managed to distract himself with this triumph of his. And the clown used that.

“Next thing I know Eds has been flung across the room and is in pretty bad shape. We somehow manage to actually kill the clown this time but, Eds didn’t make it. The others had to drag me out of there.”

A tear rolls down his cheek, and then another. He wipes them away before continuing.

“After the fight, we all went to the town lake and jumped into it from this high ass cliff like we used to do as kids. We kinda wash off and before I know it the others have started talking about how Eds would have hated this dirty fucking lake. And I can’t help but cry. They all huddle around me and we just, chill for a bit.

“And there’s something I wish I had said in that moment, and I’ve been regretting it for a year now. It’s the reason I call myself a coward, but as I said before, I don’t want to be a coward anymore.”

The audience is hyperfocused on him, but he can only look at his friends, who look back at him in confusion and curiosity.

“I was in love with him. And I still am. And I think I always will be.”

The whole theatre goes silent and it is killing him, but suddenly Ben stands up and starts clapping. The rest of the Losers Club stands up and soon the whole theatre has joined them. Richie can’t help but let a few tears run down his cheeks.

Once the crowd has quieted down again he says “So, if you didn’t catch that, I’m gay as fuck! And I’m done hiding.”

The crowd cheers again and Richie bows, thanks them for listening and walks off stage. He’s greeted with smiles and pats on the back, even the director looks at him with a smirk, though he’s sure a strongly worded email is headed his way. Right now he doesn’t care. All he wants to do now is have a nice night out with his friends.

He had procured them with backstage passes so they could meet privately after the show. He’s only been in his room for 5 minutes when the door is opened and Bev comes running in towards him and embraces him tightly.

“Richie, for a second there I thought that was going to end in another love confession from a friend to me.”

Richie barks out a laugh before they both end up in a small laughing fit.

“Well, luckily for you it was going in totally the opposite direction. What do you mean by ‘another love confession’ though?”

Bev looks towards the door before whispering “Bill, but don’t tell anyone!”

The others finally arrive while the two are quietly laughing, no words need to be said and they form a group hug with Richie in the centre. He’s honestly never felt so relieved and loved his entire life.

“You know, I actually carved our initials on the kissing bridge.”

“Seriously?” Bill chimes in while rolling his eyes.

“What? You didn’t do that with your crush? Whomever that might have been?” 

“No, I did not.”

A comfortable silence falls between the group. After a while, they break the embrace. Ben suddenly speaks up, “Did you ever tell him?”

The question catches Richie by surprise and reminds him once again that no, he did not.

“No, and every day I wish I had.”

After Richie has gathered all his stuff they all head out to get properly shitfaced. When he has finally sunken into his bed and fallen asleep, he has the first good dream he’s had in a year. He’s sitting in a meadow, with Eddie, and he’s happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This all came about cuz I was really pissed they didn't have him say it during the lake scene so I just couldn't help myself!


End file.
